The beginning of the end, part 2.

Just two days later. TWO. Two days and I read a message from my mom: "I finally found someone I knew 32 years ago."

Just like I knew my father wasn't mine when I was a child, just like I knew the man I met years ago was not my dad, I knew what was going to follow that message and I knew she meant my dad. My real dad. My real dad that was alive and had no idea I existed until just now. The emotions that came out of me in those few minutes knocked the breath out of me. And just like before, I was busily searching for him online. I found a name. I found his wife. I found a photo and I fell to the floor. The instant I looked at his photo, I knew. I have his eyes. I have his nose. I can see myself looking back at me. I can see me. I needed to see more. With shaking fingers, blurry vision from my tears, I looked at as many photos I could. I saved them to my phone. I stared at them for minutes, engraving every detail in my memory so that when I closed my eyes I could still see them. It might get taken away, I still had no idea he wanted to meet me. Just seeing what he looks like, that he's real and that he never knew and never not wanted me was enough. That's all I needed right then. I had a face to the imaginary dad from my dreams. Even if nothing further happened, I had all these photos on my silly, little iphone that I could secretly stare at all day if I wanted to. And as creepy as that sounds, I did. I touched the photos. I cried. It wasn't until several hours later that I realized not only do I have a dad, but I have a brother and sisters, a step mom, an aunt, an uncle, grandparents, cousins, second-cousins and more. I was completely overwhelmed and scared. What if they hated me? What if I wasn't enough? I have only known these people for a few hours and I'm afraid I love them. I fell too deep. I was sucked in by only photos and it felt amazing, yet terrifying. And that's when my mom told me that he wanted me to meet me. I might have passed out, I don't remember anything else after that.

The next week and a half whirred by. I talked with my sister-in-law. I talked with my step-mom. And then...I talked with my dad. On the internet at first. I felt like a school girl with her first crush. I read and re-read his first message to me over and over again. I could probably recite it right now. Our first phone call was an ambush. My step-mom called me and then handed the phone over to him. There were tears. Heavy, sobbing tears. We were both so nervous, but both so happy. He couldn't believe he had another daughter, just as I couldn't believe I had a dad. All my life I was searching for him, and here he was, breathing, crying on the phone with me. One of the top moments of my life, for sure. The best moment was coming in just a few days.